For the people who think the outcome of Michigan State’s matchup with Penn State at Happy Valley on Saturday is a foregone conclusion, isn’t it reasonable to consider that allowing the game to be played makes a little bit of sense?
It’s not that I think that everyone who’s saying that Michigan State has absolutely zero shot at beating Penn State on Saturday is stupid for being so obstinately sure of themselves with zero actual credibility or inner knowledge that makes them some sort of authority on anything.
It’s just that I think that Kanye West is an absolute moron.
It isn’t as if I think that it’s slightly unreasonable for Brian Lewerke to be compared to a garbage bag filled with garbage by a Twitter person who probably hasn’t ever worn a football uniform in his life.
It’s just that I think that any time I’ve ever seen Jane Fonda’s visage, “pride in America” or “normal, relatable person” aren’t words or descriptors that have ever come to mind.
I’m not suggesting that Michigan State might actually have more than a 13.6% winning probability rate percentage chance data point when the Spartans go up against Penn State on Saturday.
All I’m suggesting is that Bill Cosby really wasn’t all that funny in the first place.
I’m not trying to say that the people who have been yelling that Dave Warner is a bad “play caller” for the last 37 years might not be suitable for the open position of “Front Desk Administrator” at the YMCA in my town.
All I’m trying to say is that whoever the people are that agreed to finance the motion picture “Vanilla Sky” should be examined by psychiatric experts.
I’m not here to say that The Experts who like to say that Michigan State’s #1 ranked rushing defense is “skewed” due to whatever their reasons are for it being “skewed” are stupid.
All I’m here to say is that listening to Bill Simmons count down his favorite Pearl Jam songs on Sirius XM’s Pearl Jam channel makes about as much sense and is about as appealing as listening to Barbra Streisand provide her thoughts on her favorite comedians on Sirius XM’s Comedy USA channel.
(How could you have done this, Dude?)
I’m not necessarily saying that Michigan State has an okay shot at keeping Trace McSorley from running for 175 yards like he did last week against Ohio State.
All I’m saying is that when Urban Meyer sneezes, I don’t believe him.
I’m not suggesting that the Spartans might actually keep Miles Sanders from rushing for 200 yards on Saturday.
All I’m suggesting is that the University of Notre Dame’s definition of the word “integrity” conveniently ignores actual decisions that led to a student videographer actually dying, the entire manner in which the university handled the situation publicly, and, separately but equally important, Charlie Weis’s entire existence.
I promise I’m not trying to prove that Mark Dantonio hasn’t lost his mind and is still one of the five best coaches in all of college football despite people saying that he’s “lost it” or that he’s “done.”
All I’m trying to prove is that I would not like my chances in a fully-loaded-Polish-sausage-eating contest against either of the Panasiuk brothers.
I’m not trying to say that the type of guy who makes his living by yelling into a microphone and claiming that Mark Dantonio is an idiot is comparable to a reptile.
All I’m trying to say is that Lee Atwater would have made a good capo for Tony Soprano.
I swear I’m not here to persuade people to consider that the Michigan State/Penn State game might actually need to be played before anyone announces that Michigan State has a 0% winning chance probability data point.
All I’m trying to persuade people to consider is that Margaret Thatcher was right about Socialism when she said, “It’s a great concept – the only problem is that eventually you run out of other people’s money.”
I’m not here to say that I’m like all of The Experts and that I’m able to tell you what’s going to happen in Michigan State’s battle against Penn State on Saturday in Happy Valley.
All I’m here to say is that if Michigan State can hold Penn State to less than 100 yards rushing by the time the 4th quarter begins, the ham sandwich I’ll make for myself in between the 3rd quarter ending and the 4th quarter starting will be pretty tasty.
I’m not trying to convince you that Michigan State’s secondary is not a sieve.
But I am trying to convince you that if the Spartans can pressure, disrupt, and sack Trace McSorley enough to force him into two or three bad throws that result in interceptions, my body odor won’t be terribly offensive by 6p tomorrow evening.
I’m not here to tell you that Brian Lewerke is going to perform like a spry, accurate, and clever Otto Graham against Penn State on Saturday.
All I’m trying to say is that if Brian Lewerke can be Brian Lewerke for a full game, Michigan State might have some success in this football game.
I’m not efforting to show you how the Michigan State offensive line will do its best impersonation of the Washington Redskins’ Hogs on Saturday against Penn State.
I am, however, efforting to say that it’s possible that Cole Chewins’ return to the lineup might have a positive impact on the chemistry and rhythm of the line and that might have a positive impact on the Spartans’ ability to gain some actual yards on the ground.
I’m not here to say that Michigan State is going to beat Penn State on Saturday.
I am, however, here to say that there have been far worse Michigan State teams that have beaten far better opponents over the years.
I’m not trying to insinuate that Michigan State will beat Penn State on Saturday.
I am, however, trying to insinuate that it’s a good idea for the Big Ten and the NCAA to, indeed, allow the game to be played even if the playing of it seems perfunctory by The Experts.
MICHIGAN STATE – 16
PENN STATE – 34