The Urban Meyer Situation - The Role Of "The Confidant"

The Urban Meyer Situation - The Role Of "The Confidant"

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The Urban Meyer Situation - The Role Of "The Confidant"

Urban Meyer is in hot water.  Part of the story involves a person named Hiram DeFries.  DeFries serves as Meyer’s…….confidant.

Contact @crowleysullivan

We know.

The whole situation involves domestic abuse and people’s careers and reputations are hanging in the balance.

But are we allowed to point out that there is a component to this whole thing that includes someone that is being referred to, seriously, as Urban Meyer’s “confidant?”

Hiram DeFries serves as a “special assistant” to Urban Meyer and is described, in most accounts, as a long-standing “confidant” of Meyer’s.

The following quote appears in just about every story covering this horrible episode – it’s Courtney Smith alluding to the way Hiram DeFries approached her when Smith first pressed charges against her then-husband, Zach Smith, who was an intern working for Urban Meyer at the time –

“If you don’t drop the charges, Zach will never coach again.  He’s never hit you before.  He was drinking.  He’ll probably never do it again.  You should think about giving him a second chance.”

For starters, we’re supposed to believe that Urban Meyer’s “special assistant” and “long term confidant” never made Urban Meyer aware of the most-recent allegations about Zach Smith’s penchant for abusing his wife?

Let’s forget, though, the Zach Smith abuse stuff for a moment.

What does Urban Meyer’s “confidant” really do?

Tom Hagen wasn’t a “confidant” – he was Don Corleone’s Consigliere.

There is a major difference, I think, between a “confidant” and a Consigliere.

What are some of the responsibilities of the “confidant?”

Let’s speculate.

  • Prepare Urban Meyer’s toothbrush in the morning by having the toothpaste properly and freshly positioned on the bristles of the brush – and make sure the brush is properly presented by the side of the sink, out of the kitchen cabinet – about ten to twelve minutes prior to Meyer’s regularly-scheduled time of brushing.

  • Make sure Meyer’s coffee mug itself is of appropriate temperature to the touch while ensuring that the coffee (or tea on Wednesdays) is twenty five degrees above room temperature.

  • Position Meyer’s office chair no less than three feet to and no more than five feet away from the edge of the office desk in order to assure easiest chair access without need to move chair closer to or further away from desk.

  • Approach assistant coaches’ wives and give reasonable assurances that the husband who is abusing a wife was drinking at the time of the abuse and probably won’t abuse her again.

  • Bring car to car wash every other Tuesday.

  • Provide Meyer with thoughts on program’s NCAA Compliance performance and status.

  • Offer Meyer with considerations for unity-building exercises for coaching staff.

  • Help Meyer concentrate on quarterly review of contract he came to Agreement with his daughters on that obligates Meyer to a healthy work-life balance.

  • Provide Meyer with regular (i.e. weekly) reviews on best Yoga instructors in the area and their availability for personal sessions.

  • During baseball season, oversight of and responsibility for Meyer’s Fantasy Baseball team, Esophogeal Delight.

  • Coordinate weekly conference call with Tim Tebow – prepare agenda for each week’s call and take/distribute minutes following the call.

  • Canvass underground music community for live bootleg recordings of The McCoys performing “Hang On Sloopy.”

  • Present Meyer with three different variations of The Statue of Liberty play – diagrammed out on a piece of paper – over the course of each month.

I’m thinking that there are definitely more things – I’m not sure what some of them are, though.

I’m going to keep on giving this consideration and add to this list of speculative responsibilities that Urban Meyer’s “confidant” is obligated to.

How do I get my own “confidant?”

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