SEC Media Days, Here We Come

SEC Media Days, Here We Come

Columnists

SEC Media Days, Here We Come

SpartansWire will venture into SEC land during the conference’s Media Days in Atlanta.

Contact @crowleysullivan

Rational Spartans understand, acknowledge, and even embrace the fact that we live in a glass house.

As a matter of fact, the house isn’t just made of glass, the entire environment features glass.

Glass furniture, glass appliances, glass fixtures, glass this, glass that – glass is everywhere.

Of course, the Moon Howlers choose to ignore the glass bed we all sleep in and, instead, claim that the lack of comfortable chairs or davenports or ottomans is all due to the mean and nasty media’s carefully coordinated attempt to make life difficult for Michigan State.

The Moon Howlers also choose to blame UMAA for the glass shelves and glass toilets that cause us harm when we cut ourselves on the ragged edges that sometimes get in our way.

It’s true – UMAA definitely deserves some attention when we are taking a close look at our plight and SpartansWire is proud to lead the way when appropriate.

Lloyd Carr still thinks he and his student athletes “deserved better” in 2001 despite the fact that the final score will forever remain 26-24 no matter what anyone wants to say about the clock.

Bo Schembechler loved and all UMAAers love, love, love to whine about how they were “cheated” out of going to the Rose Bowl following the 1973 season because UMAA’s “sister school” didn’t rubber stamp an athletic director vote after UMAA and Ohio State tied 10-10 to end the regular season without a clear champion.

The whining from UMAA about this supposed slight warrants its own, lengthy, detailed essay since UMAA claimed they earned the right to play in the Rose Bowl despite the fact that they didn’t earn anything due to the fact that they……..did not win the game and, instead, actually tied the football game 10-10 which means that nobody earned anything at all.

Anyway…..

Those of us Spartans who have our heads on straight know that the entire history of our beloved school is full of missteps and clunkiness that has presented us with challenges big and small.

Our missteps are our own and they’re part of what makes us all Spartans.

And, don’t misinterpret – the missteps and errors pale in comparison to the accomplishments and progress and true greatness that make all Spartans proud.

But, ask yourself this question –

When you inadvertently left the back door wide open that one year when you went on that two week vacation to the Wisconsin Dells and you came back to find that a family of raccoons and another family of opossum had ransacked your entire home, was it the fault of the Smallville Gazette’s news article that reported on the incident when word got to the Gazette’s newsroom a day after you had the Smallville Pest Control rid your home of the raccoon and opossum feces that were all over the entire house?

Michigan State has had to clean up a lot of raccoon and opossum feces after inadvertently leaving the back door open and it’s never been the fault of the supposed strategic orchestration on the part of the dangerous local and national media.

And for those of us that own the sloppiness of leaving the back door open, we have a clear understanding of the fact that we live in our own glass house – and because of that self awareness, we can forever laugh at Notre Dame’s “moral superiority.”

It’s because of our acknowledgement of the fact that we haven’t written the book on smooth operational harmony that we can forever chuckle at UMAA’s pretty hilarious ownership of arrogant entitlement.

Finally, it’s because of our chip-on-the-shoulder self awareness that we can laugh and snicker at every single aspect of everything that makes up the SEC and all of its member institutions.

And so, SpartansWire is readying to venture into the belly of the beast – Atlanta, Georgia – where the geniuses of the SEC will gather to pay homage to their member institutions, the member institutions’ football programs, and, most importantly, the head football coaches representing each member institution.

Since we’re Midwestern Yankees, we’re giving serious consideration to wearing costumes in order to conceal our unconditional loyalty to the Union.

Once we get past the Mississippi State Troopers, Alabama National Guardsmen, Georgia’s Sons of Confederate Veterans, and the South Carolina Chapter of the Daughters of the Confederacy, SpartansWire plans to get some questions answered.

Here’s a peek at the working list of queries we have for the SEC folk…

FOR ANYONE REPRESENTING THE UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA:

If you could ask William Tecumseh Sherman one question right now, what would that question be?

FOR KENTUCKY PEOPLE:

Since your football program is as relevant as Blockbuster Video, how does it feel knowing that the patron saint of your university’s athletic history is Adolph Rupp?

FOR NICK SABAN:

Seriously – you’re, what, 5’5″ or 5’6″, right?

And since you’re the most successful coach in all of college football, I’ll ask another question – within the context of recognizing that you have achieved greatness at a school that is the college football equivalent of a Lamborghini Veneno Rodster does it ever bug you that Mark Dantonio has done the job at Michigan State (the college football equivalent of a Ford F150) that you were completely unable to do?

Also – can you please explain what the deal is with Alabama having an elephant as a mascot?

Michigan State is giving serious consideration to jettisoning Sparty and replacing the iconic mascot with a giraffe – would you recommend that change?

FOR OLD MISS STATE PEOPLE:

Coming from the perspective of knowing a thing or two about being stigmatized as the “second fiddle” in our own state, what does it feel like to be the second fiddle to…………..the University of Mississippi?

Is it sort of like how Tattoo must have felt whenever he stood alongside of Mr Roarke?

FOR MISSISSIPPI PEOPLE:

Are you cognizant of the fact that you are supporters of………the University of Mississippi?

I know, I know – it’s regal and there’s The Grove and William Faulkner is from Oxford and all of that.

But just because they make really tasty kielbasa in Poland, that doesn’t mean that Warsaw is an epicenter of entrepreneurial inventiveness, does it?

FOR NEW TENNESSEE HEAD COACH JEREMY PRUITT:

Do you plan to carry on the traditions that Butch Jones instituted in Knoxville such as “Champions of Life,” falling down flat on your face onto the playing surface when your team is victorious, and filming a “Brick By Brick” commercial for Farm Bureau Insurance?

FOR LSU HEAD COACH ED ORGERON:

Seriously – is there some sort of condition or affliction from which you suffer?

FOR TEXAS A&M PEOPLE:

Honestly, what is the reason for the “military” costumes that the Texas A&M students (I think they’re students) wear to the Texas A&M football games?  Do those people wear those costumes to class or are the costumes just worn for football games?  Are they football game costumes or are they military costumes? What branch of the United States Armed Forces do these people wearing the military costumes belong to?

FOR MISSOURI PEOPLE:

How do you get your heads around the notion that Missouri is a state in the southeast and belongs in the SEC in the same way that a pineapple tastes a lot like haggis.

FOR FLORIDA PEOPLE:

You know that when assessing Steve Spurrier’s career as a football coach, his years as the head coach of the Tampa Bay Bandits and the Washington Redskins and his decision to quit in the middle of a season as head coach at South Carolina all count, right?

FOR SOUTH CAROLINA PEOPLE:

You realize that you aren’t even as relevant as Iowa is, right?

FOR AUBURN PEOPLE:

In a way, Spartans are your kindred spirit partners to the North.  Still, “War Eagle” is kind of a weird thing or slogan or motto or battle cry (or whatever it is), don’t you think?  What does it even mean?  Is it a sentence?  Stop and think about it – War Eagle.  People yell that.  Why?  Should Michigan State fans begin a tradition that features saying and yelling and chanting “Battle Condor?”

FOR ARKANSAS PEOPLE:

What’s the best part about living in Arkansas?  And the best part about cheering for Arkansas is…….what, exactly?

If you SpartansWire readers have suggestions for questions we should be asking when in Atlanta at SEC Media Days, please let us know…….

Latest

More SpartansWire
Home