SpartansWire fans, users, observers – message board currently part of Product team’s tech and creative roadmap – but rules will apply once live.
As we continue to build out the foundation for the fundamental service offerings that will provide users of SpartansWire with the best user experience across the digital space, we recognize the need to include essential elements for our Product & Technical team to address as quickly as possible.
It is within this spirit that we alert users that a fully functional message board for user engagement is currently being built by our Product Engineers and Imagineers.
The creative sensibilities are being forged in harmonic conjunction with the technical expertise that will allow for a communal ecosystem to thrive within the SpartansWire.
It’s important for readers/users to understand, however, that the functionality of this message board will call for rules and norms to be adhered to in order to allow for the best experience possible. We now share with you, in advance of the message board’s launch, the parameters that must be followed when engaging with your fellow SpartansWirers –
- Grammar used by posters must be comparable to a second grade child’s level of grammar comprehension. If a moderator senses that a poster is seeking to use proper grammar that might be used by someone with a junior high school comprehension of grammar rules and norms, that poster will be given two warnings before that poster is banned from SpartansWire.
- Extreme hyperbole must be used at all times and nothing less than a perspective relative to the earth closing in on destruction due to an alien invasion will be the only perspective permitted when posting comments and opinions.
- Avatars to accompany usernames should always straddle the line between pornographic cleverness and simple objectionable imagery.
- If one is going to post an opinion on Mark Dantonio or Tom Izzo, one must post that opinion with the understanding that neither of these head coaches really has any true cognizance of what he is being paid by Michigan State University to do and he is in desperate need of your opinion. These men rely on these message boards and they respectfully (and anxiously) eschew any modest thoughts that veer towards showing any respect for their professional acumen.
- If any poster fails to properly lay blame at the feet of ESPN for society’s and Michigan State University’s failings, that poster will be given two warnings before being banished from the ecosystem.
- When referring to “sources” who have relevant information, posters must emphasize that the “sources” are extremely credible but they must not provide any detailed information that alerts readers and fellow posters of where the credibility stems from.
- If a poster has a piece of information pertaining to a 14-year old athlete who shows great promise and is considering competing as an student athlete at any school other than Michigan State University, that poster has a moral obligation to begin a firestorm of activity designed to steer that 14-year old athlete away from whatever other school he or she is considering and towards Michigan State University.
- Mike Valenti is an expert on everything and everyone and must be respected accordingly. His radio program that airs on that Lansing (Michigan) area radio station has changed the world as we know it and he deserves to be recognized as someone who has contributed to the betterment of the human race.
- A spinoff of the initial rule regarding “grammar” – the words “their,” “there,” and “they’re” are all interchangeable and can be/should be used however the poster sees fit.
- At no point should any poster ever, under any circumstances, use the words “your” or “you’re.” The commonly used letters “ur” should be used at all times.
- A caveat to the rule that states that posters must lay blame for all of society’s and Michigan State University’s failings at the feet of ESPN: there are times when the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor (to be referred at all times within the SpartansWire ecosystem as UMAA) is the entity that should be blamed. This is understood and recognized by the moderators of the soon-to-be completed SpartansWire message board. If there is confusion about who/what is to be blamed, simply blame both ESPN and UMAA.
- No poster shall have any understanding of anything that happened on earth prior to the year 2011.
- Complaints about the old people at Spartan Stadium that do not stand and yell throughout the game must be posted consistently. This rule applies particularly to the students who fail to arrive at the game, who fail to stay at the game beyond the second quarter, and who fail to comprehend that East Lansing temperatures dip as the Autumn progresses and do not bring appropriate clothing as a result of the failure to understand basic weather patterns.
- We all know that there are numerous conspiracies at work in the world that carefully orchestrated and powerfully resourced that are all designed to bring down Michigan State University as an institution. Posters on the SpartansWire message board must fight to thwart these conspiracies by posting legitimate examples of how these conspiracies manifest themselves. Think of our Post-9/11 world – if you see something, say something. Diligent battling and counter-attacking of the conspiracies will be essential for Michigan State’s survival.
There will be more rules and norms as the platform evolves. But this list provides all users/posters with a basic framework from which to begin.